What to Say (and Text) When You Want a Second Date but Don’t Want to Be ”Too Much”

You go on a date. It goes… well? You laughed. You shared stories. You maybe even made eye contact that lasted half a second too long. And now you’re back home, lying in bed, spiraling through the usual questions:

Did they feel what I felt?
Should I wait for them to reach out?
Am I coming on too strong if I ask for a second date?

Take a deep breath. This post will walk you through how to ask for a second date—whether it’s in person or over text—without overthinking, playing games, or pretending to be cooler than you are.

First of All—You’re Allowed to Want Another Date

Let’s start here: You are not “too much” for wanting clarity.

So many of my clients (especially LDS Gen Z and Millennials) get stuck right after the first date—not because they didn’t enjoy it, but because they’re afraid of being more interested than the other person.

Here’s what I teach:
If you're at least a 6 out of 10 on your “I’m into this” scale, go on a second date. You don’t need to be obsessed or certain or already planning your wedding. You just need enough curiosity to keep going.

💡 A second date isn’t a commitment—it’s just a chance to learn more.

The Best Time to Ask? On the First Date (Yes, Really.)

This might sound counterintuitive, but the best time to ask for a second date is… during the first one.

Why? Because:

• It feels more natural in the moment

• You’re more likely to be your authentic self, instead of overthinking a carefully curated message

• It eliminates the waiting game and the anxiousness associated with the post-date texting limbo

✨ Say something like:

“This has been really fun. Would you want to go on a second date sometime?”

And yes—use the word date. So many people walk away from a first hangout not even knowing if it was a real date. Don’t leave them guessing.

If they say yes? Amazing. You don’t need to plan it right then, but you could. Come up with some ideas together. Or just let them know you’ll follow up with a couple ideas. And, if you say you will follow up, then…FOLLOW UP. The sooner the better.

Not Sure How You Feel? You Can Still Ask.

A lot of people don’t ask for a second date because they’re not totally sure how they feel yet—and they don’t want to lead anyone on.

But here’s the thing: it’s okay to be honest about that. Stick with the facts.

“I’d like to get to know you better. Would you like to go on a second date?”

This kind of language sets a tone of honesty and curiosity. You’re being upfront about where you’re at—without closing the door before anything has had a chance to grow.

How to Ask for a Second Date via Text (Without the Cringe)

Not everyone feels ready to ask face-to-face. If you’re texting, I recommend the CCQ approach:
Clear. Concise. Quick.

Don’t overexplain. Don’t ramble. Don’t ask three questions in a row and then unsend two of them.

Here’s what works:

• “Hey! I’ve been wanting to check out [event/place/restaurant]. Would you want to go with me? I’m available Wednesday or Friday after 6 PM. Do either of these days work for you?”

• “I had a great time with you. Want to go on a second date? I was thinking brunch or a hike on Saturday, but I am open to suggestions.”

• “Want to join me on a field trip to [fun thing]? I’ve been wanting to check it out. We can do a guided tour or explore on our own. How about next Saturday?”

Clear: state your intention and ask a question they can clearly answer. Include specifics like a day and time, rather than giving an open-ended invite or suggestion like “sometime” or “soon”. Concise: 3-4 sentences prevents confusion. Quick: send it soon after the first date. Extra tip: Try inviting them into something you’re already doing—walking the dog, trying a new food truck, going to a bookstore. It takes the pressure down and keeps it casual, while still clearly being a date.

Trust the Yes. Trust the No.

This might be the most important part.

When you ask someone on a second date, they might say yes. They might say no. And either way—you are okay.

Trust yourself for wanting honesty.
Trust them to answer honestly.

A yes doesn’t mean they’re planning your future together. And don’t second guess the yes. Yes means yes.
A no doesn’t mean you were wrong for asking.

Dating gets way less painful when you remove the guessing game. And emotional clarity? That’s a skill you can absolutely learn.

Ready to Date with More Clarity (and Less Guessing)?

I help LDS and post-LDS young adults navigate dating for marriage with more confidence, honesty, and self-trust.

If you’re ready to stop overthinking and start feeling grounded in your dating life…

📍Book a consultation call and let’s talk about what’s going on for you.

And if this post hit home, you might also like:
→ How to Deal With Differences in a Dating Relationship

You don’t have to wait around hoping someone else makes the first move. You’re allowed to ask. You can practice being honest. It’s okay to want someone to make the first move, but don’t give up an opportunity to get to know someone because you’re playing the stand-off game of “who goes first.”

I can help you get out of the dating game and into a real relationship that lasts.

— Julie

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