How to Turn on Your Sex Appeal When You’re Not Having Sex - for LDS Singles
Why it’s important for LDS singles to embrace their sexuality, even if they’re not having sex:
It’s important…
-If you are in a relationship, but you feel it is not progressing.
-If you are consistently being friend zoned.
-If you are worried about someone violating your moral standards.
-If you want to turn on your sex appeal and stay sexually pure, but you don’t know how.
-If you need to get or give consent, but don’t know the words.
-If you feel shame or guilt for not sticking with established purity standards.
-If you have kept yourself sexually shut down and innocent to maintain purity standards, but you are an adult now, and maybe feeling a bit naive or just less mature than other adults your age.
-If you want to feel sexy and confident and date someone who is sexy and confident. It’s okay to want that BTW!
-If you want to have sex and sexy feelings now or in the near future.
What does sexy mean to an LDS dater?
It depends on the person. I love to ask people - especially LDS singles, “What do you think is sexy?” What does “sexy” mean to you? Define it for yourself. Consider your own personal definition. For reference, write down what is sexy or appealing in another person, and what is sexy and appealing in you. If you don’t believe you are sexy, write down a version of you that is sexy. Revisit your definition in a few weeks and decide if you want to add, subtract, or change anything.
It is common to attach sexy expectations to physical appearance when thinking of one’s self, and easier when thinking of another to go beyond what only the eye can see. Sexy does have a broader scope. Confidence, sense of humor, personality, passion and interests, a nice smile, physical touch, sincere compliments, conscientious, personal brand/style, IQ, etc.
Me, to a 25 yr old single LDS female: “What do you think is sexy?”
Answer: “You know that guy who always stays after church to put the chairs away? That’s sexy.”
The Truth About Sexual Chemistry
You might think that igniting sexual chemistry is getting another person to think you are sexy, but first YOU need to think you are sexy.
1. Find ways to value and appreciate your body, your mind, your soul, and your quirks.
2. Take responsibility for your health, peace, confidence, and strength.
3. Choose to see yourself as a sexual human. “I’m sexy!”
4. Try making sexy decisions. “What would a sexy person do?”
How to get out of the friend zone, while staying sexually pure:
Turning on your sex appeal is one way to get yourself out of the friend zone. When you see yourself as sexy and you’re not afraid to show it and own it, the friend zoning will decrease or disappear. Are you worried you will lose the friend? Clinging to a friendship that will never be anything more than “just friends” keeps you from finding the love of your life.
If you want to get out of the friend zone:
1. Believe you are sexy (see above).
2. Show your sexiness by showing up honestly, making decisions and following through, owning your mistakes, going on adventures, getting a reasonable amount of exercise, etc. Self-care is sexy because you are showing yourself and the rest of the universe that YOU matter - you’re worth taking care of.
3. Expose your quirks. Weirdness resonates with possibility because it’s unique and interesting.
4. Let them see you make sexy choices without hesitation, explanation, or apologies. What is a sexy choice? Brainstorm on your own or with friends. Ask yourself. Ask friends.
One way to prevent sexual misconduct on a date:
Owning your own sexuality is the best way to prevent someone from violating your moral standards.
How to own your own sexuality:
1. Get to know yourself as a sexual being.
2. Grow up and get educated - sex educated.
3. Decide and practice communication when it comes to boundaries and consent.
4. Learn how to date safely.
5. Carry condoms. Even if you think you will never use it. Know how to use a condom. Use a condom.
Consent Requires Clarity
Consent is owning your own sexuality with clear communication, or honoring another’s freedom to choose.
1. You decide what you will and will not do. Be clear with yourself first.
2. Then be clear with another. Use familiar dialogue. Practice saying it out loud.
3. If you don’t know, ask. Use familiar asking dialogue. Practice asking out loud.
4. Being clear with each other is not a mood killer. It’s sexy.
Sex appeal starts with how you see yourself:
When a client signs up for a life coaching package and they want support around dating, it is common to begin with self-discovery. Many clients want to build or recover their confidence, desire, and lovability. This includes self-acceptance! Turning on your sex appeal stems from acceptance of self.
1. Make a date with your mirror. Take a good, long look at the magnificent person you are!
2. Own, label, and name your sexual parts.
3. Express gratitude to each part.
4. Make a decision to turn on your sex appeal (self-acceptance).
5. Open up to the natural chemistry that exists between you and some people. Bring it up in conversation. Lean into it – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
6. Seek emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual help from qualified professionals, as needed.
Five Chaste Things to do if You Want to be Sexy:
1. Practice making requests: Ask and receive. Any request applies.
Not to be confused with demands or expectations.
2. Emancipate from your parents: financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Being independent and responsible is sexy!
3. And, speaking of responsibility, take responsibility for your happiness. Don’t rely on others to make you happy.
4. Have hobbies, interests, and passions.
5. Practice having good, clean fun. Fun, fun, fun! Enjoy your life!
Let’s dive into any of these topics together! If you are seeking a safe space to talk about these things, ask questions, get more info, and receive help & support, you can do that with me by scheduling a Discovery Call here. Let’s talk!
LDS Life Coach
